I hate clutter. And I hate being a Mom who is always cleaning. Remember that scene in the "Incredibles" where Elasti-girl is vacuuming and Mr. Incredible picks up the couch for her. I feel like I'm constantly vacumming, but instead of couches, I'm picking up kids.
I wanted kids. I wanted lots of kids. I also wanted to be a super hero Mom who maintained an immaculate home while having fresh baked cookies every afternoon for spic and span children politely lining up with clean and manicured hands asking for a "treat".
My house is gross and I'm overweight. So much for "super Mom":)
I have a storage unit and we've constantly cycled through storing stuff. We've downsized and downsized. We've gotten rid of most everything save the children. And yet, it still seems to get in!
I know there are people who are going to give me the lame excuse that I have lots of kids, therefore its a foregone conclusion that I'm going to have a messy house. And then there's the other excuse that I work part time and otherwise I'd have a lovely home that was mess free. Well, I'm friends with a lot of women who have much larger families than mine, and when I visit them, regardless of the time of day, their homes are always tidy and in order. And my own mother, who worked incessantly to support her family also kept an immaculate house, althewhile attending to my brother who has intense medical needs. I know neat houses can be accomplished. I just have no clue how.
I feel like I walk around all day grumpy, snarking at the kids. That's not the person I want to be. I get guilt complexes when I feel like I'm turning into that housewife that the rest of the world part despises/part makes fun of. Again, most definitely not who I want to be. Generally speaking I'm a fun-loving, easy-going individual. But my kids tremble in fear when they start to hear the water boiling in my brain "WHO LEFT THE MARSHMALLOW CEREAL ON THE TABLE...OUTSIDE OF ITS BAG?!?!?!" "PICK UP THESE THOMAS TRACKS NOW!!!" "PICK UP THESE LEGOS NOW!!!" "COME AND HOLD YOUR SISTER I HAVE TO CLEAN UP PEE, (OR PUKE)!!!" "CAN YOU PLEASE LIFT THE LID AND AIM FOR ONCE!!!" The only times I don't scream are when the baby's sleeping or when I'm afraid to hurt my voice before a singing gig.
I want a routine. I want to know that I'm going to (at least strive to) get up at the same time every morning. Do schoolwork at the same time. Allow time for housework and cooking and other daily needs. I'd like to make time to spend with my children before they're grown up. I'd like to make it to Mass more than once a week (and even better...Before the Responsorial Psalm!!) And yet, when we go to bed early, something (or someone) always wakes us in the middle of the night. Be it a bad dream, a cat, or even a water heater...And the next day I'm functioning on lack of sleep and kids that are looking to take advantage of that fact.
So what's the first step? What's the next step? How do I get out of this cycle of ensuing chaos? If I'm striving for a healthier lifestyle, isn't it only right that I should include my mental health?
Well, I'll figure it out...Right after I blast through those 8 loads of laundry still waiting to be attended to, and that pile of dishes in the sink, and the rest of our school day is finished up, and the baby's next size up clothes are done being sorted through...