I have to pass on the...

We had a nutritionist come and give a talk last night at our "Big Losers" meeting.  It was a great talk, and I must admit it could not have come at a more needed time in my journey...

I've begun running (I'll give you a minute to pick yourselves up off the floor to continue reading...)  I began doing the Couch to 5K program about a month ago.  One week into this program I was talking it up around a campfire with my friends and the help of some red wine.  My friends turned the discussion into their own training, for a half marathon.  I proclaimed how much I would love to do that, and one of my friends pointed out that marathons are typically run outside, in front of other people (I had been running on my treadmill up to that point).  I came home that night and realized that I wanted to do it.  I was further fueled by a very unfruitful attempt at encouraging other homeschooling parents to join me in starting a running club.  Wouldn't that look great?  To have run a full marathon on your resume?  The parents looked at me blankly and said "my kids play volleyball at youth group.  They don't need sports."  Very unfruitful...

So I continued on and approached my running friend again.  She was so supportive and encouraging.  We started a page on Facebook and have been organizing group runs for the past week.  My husband is running too, and is hoping to run in the half marathon as well.  I can't believe how much I love it, how stress relieving it is, and what a boost its been to my weight loss journey.  My half marathon training is using the Jeff Galloway running program.  It's challenging, but easy to maintain (you run on average 3 times a week, perfect for this homeschooling mom)...

...My challenge has been this...I am becoming overwhelmed.  I have a structured running regimen.  I have a structured diet regimen (1200-1500 calories a day).  And now that school is here, I am trying to implement a structured schedule too.  I am easily overwhelmed by that much structure taken on that quickly.  The nutritionist we had last night talked about Intuitive Eating, a way to get back to basics, to listen to your body and respond to it.  Every body is different, requiring different nutritional needs, that is why there is no one diet that works for everyone.  This way of eating (its NOT a diet) works by listening to your body's signals and responding to it.  Basically you discern when you are hungry and what you are hungry for, and then satisfying those requests.  One of my fellow weight loss attendees hearkened it to "eating like her toddler".  TRUE!  Kids won't eat when they're not hungry.  They won't eat what they don't like.  It's only as adults that we suppress those instincts, and as a country we're showing the devastating effects of that in the name of obesity.  I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the room last night who was both relieved to hear this talk and yet a bit overwhelmed.  We're a competitive weight loss group...Like the biggest loser...and here we are listening to how we need a gentle, affirming approach to our body's nutrition.  It's like telling a public school advocate about unschooling.  Or telling military personnel there are no more rules.  Yeah, it was a huge concept.

So I'm going to try it out.  One of the things I learned about myself last night is that I am an emotional eater.  I tend to use food to help comfort me when I'm depressed or guilty.  One of the first things I'm going to look at are my emotional triggers (what is causing the guilt and depression) and trying to develop some ways to deal with those emotions without relying on food.  Because even healthy food, when used as a crutch, can be harmful to your body.  Healthy snackfood is still just that: snackfood.

Another concept she looked at was that there's no such thing as forbidden food.  There really is no food that is "harmful" for you.  Even butter.  Even candy.  There are good things to be found even in these otherwise "off limits" groups.  She showed us the bad effects of "conditional eating" (I can't have that or I will be fat"  or "I can only have that as a treat after I've [insert condition here]").  We need to learn to "unconditionally eat", its a sort of way to make peace with food.  I found that to be really revealing.  It was like we were somehow transferring our poor self image into our food choices.  And then when we wanted to combat these poor food choices, we never dealt with that deeper issue of our self image, but rather cut ourselves off from those foods in an effort to change our physical appearance.  But the self image, while poor, was just tossed out.  We literally threw ourselves away.  Change in appearance can not just be physical.  It cannot be just a superficial weight loss.  We need to reconstruct our own self worth, our own self image, our internal appearance.  Not just affirming who we are as people, but coming to really know and love ourselves.  And yes...That's all linked back to food, and to the choices we make, and to the habits we build by eating.  Yeah, I'm not even going to start tackling that one yet!  LOL!

So where do I go from here?  Obviously there was a lot of good food for thought here (pardon the expression:), but I want to take on baby steps.  Journaling every day is what the nutritionist recommended.  Not just food choices but a journal reflecting how the day has been and how I was feeling...I'll start with this.  I also need to figure out what is causing this mental block in my running schedule.  I was running regularly and then all of a sudden this week I just don't feel like it.  I'm wondering if maybe all the stress from starting school, combined with an already hectic schedule is too much right now.  My first 5K (September 15) is coming up and I'm nervous about that too.  I don't expect to win it, not in the least, but I am going to finish it, and I just hope I make good time instead of making a fool of myself.  I know its coming up next weekend.  I know I need to prepare.  Then why can't I get out there and run?  I need to look at that too...

At the end of the day all we can do is the best we can.  That's not relative to anyone else, in any other situation.  That includes the other person of our past, or the other person of our future.  We can only do the best we can, in this moment that we have.  Anyone who struggles with this, or has had to cross this threshold, knows that this is not a cop out.  Every journey starts with a single step.  At this point in my journey I just need to keep moving...